A visit to Malta - Part 1
Published by on October 21st, 2007
This post is brought to you in association with the year’s obligatory holiday reading matter is the exquisite League of Gentlemen Book of Precious things, in which each member of the league lays out his inspirations, with example stories, scripts, and passages. It is much like one of those “Top 100 Best Movies to Dress Up as a Pirate Nun For” programmes, offering the chance to reconnect with sometimes long forgotten creations. Wholly recommended (the book, not the Pirate Nun outfit).
Holidays in Malta
They drive in the middle of the road - apparently to avoid the multitude of puddles and bumps along the curb edge. When they see your Avis car rental sticker on the back of your car, they will snuggle up to your butt, poised ready to overtake. Do a little mid-road driving and corner cutting and they’ll hang back, comfortable in your ability to harness the highways.
There is a constructed village nearby where they filmed the live action Popeye movie - with Robin Williams. The Maltese seem terribly proud of it. We are avoiding it at all costs.
There’s a dead praying mantis on our balcony.
Always remember when going on holiday: your size of Speedos should be inversely proportional to the girth of your waist.
When someone kills themselves on the road, they don’t just go the Brit route and string some dead flowers on a nearby lamp post. Here they have (live) flowers, a picture of the deceased, and a candle holder.
When going on holiday with the intention of taking lots of photos and video, don’t forget the special cable to connect your camera to the laptop.
Go for the 1 hour chat all about the resort and how you can buy a timeshare. You get free coffee, a guided tour around the features of the resort, and 30 Maltese Lira to spend in one of the restaurants (which is enough for a slap-up meal).
Don’t bother learning the language as they all speak English. But do say thank you in Maltese to get some gratefully appreciative reactions.
Chocolate, mud, chocolate, mud… what would you choose to get covered and wrapped in? Yes, those are two options from the menu at this resprt’s spa. Yes I did choose one…
The piped music in the hotel consists almost entirely of music from the motion picture The Last of the Mohicans. Makes me want to run everywhere (see the film, you’ll get it).
When you design a hotel, make sure that each part of it has the same configuration of floors. To get to the beach , we go from the ground floor (floor 2), across and downstairs to the first floor, then over a bit to the fifth floor, then down a lift to the first, then down steps to the beach (diagram is to follow). Try and find the grocery store without passing Go.
The guy who greets us at the main restaurant was clearly genetically destined to be an undertaker. No kidding, you wonder whether he’s ushering you in to make your choice of muesli or coffin.
No Responses to “A visit to Malta - Part 1”
OMFG! If that’s the start, then I can’t wait to see the finished piece.
- Neil.
This is going to be exciting! I,too, am a process person. I love the “doing”. That’s what drives me–not necessarily having a finished product. I will enjoy seeing whatever you share with us along the way.
I’m thinking of some kind of interactive page where you can manually scroll left and right to see the progress of the entire piece. Perhaps each week I can scan the elements that have been developed (even partially) and add those in their respective positions - as I’m not creating this linearly. Could be done with flash perhaps, maybe as the header image of this blog…? Hmmm…