The storm before the calm
Vacation is looming in a few days and I am experiencing all the usual internal turbulence in the lead-up.
It’s ridiculous, but I find the week or so leading to a vacation terrible stressful - to the point of not wanting to go. Once I am fully engaged in the journey, however, it all starts to fit into shape quite rapidly. What is most absurd to me is that there is, in fact, very little to be getting stressed about. Everything is booked and sorted, plans are, well, planned, a house-sitter is organised, and all that needs doing is packing and booking a cab to the airport.
Work is most certainly a major element in the pre-vacation equation. I have a need to ensure as few loose ends as possible remain. I have guilt over the possibility of someone else having to do extra work because I’m lazing around relaxing. I have concerns about what there will be to do upon return. And above all, the possibility of someone needing something from me while I am away and me being unable to provide it due to not being at my desk, is a constant concern - this particular one likely the reason I end up working in one form or another until quite late each day.
This time there is added pressure - admittedly it is self-imposed - of not posting my usual weekly episode of TableRappers while I am away. A very difficult decision to come to as I have placed a great deal of personal importance in regular episodes. Iknow everyone will understand, but the feeling is there nonetheless.
I do not fully understand from where this pocket of anxiety bubbles up. Something from childhood I think. Remnants of memories of stressed sessions loading the car up with camping gear and the perpetual worry over leaving something behind (or the gas on!), seem to linger at the back of my mind. I cannot remember anything specific, just the essence of pre-holiday stress from years ago, cemented in later years through being directly responsible to clients as a freelancer.
I have managed to change my perceptions, and therefore the effects, of most pockets of stress in my life over the past few years, but this one still creeps up behind me and smacks me on the back of the head with a steel bar about five days before leaving on holiday.
This time next week, however, it will likely all seem a fading memory as I wallow in the deep-fried stupor of mid-west America.
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NEIL! Forget it! When on holiday, enjoy with extreme prejudice or the whole thing is a waste of time!
@dave
“enjoy with extreme prejudice or the whole thing is a waste of time!”
I duly agree. Whenever I travel, I wont let little things ruin my time. So be positive. It can be more adventurous.