Don’t give me lungs

It can be a little tricky explaining that you are a lacto-ovo-pesco vegetarian. The term is generally received with puzzled expressions and terror that preparing a meal is about to get more complicated than composing a symphony.

The result is a protracted exchange about what you are prepared to eat, followed by a string of clarification questions.

Pescotarian, a less formal term, still requires explanation.

“Nothing with a face” is often used by vegetarians, but is only relevant in my case if you do not consider fish as having faces — they have all the relevant items in a roughly correct arrangement and appear decidedly less that pleased of that fact.

And so I came up with something new:

“I don’t eat anything with lungs.”

It’s clear, covers all the relevant animal groups, and is gloriously discomforting. Perfect.

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